Thursday, September 4, 2008

It's up to you!

Gee, thanks. Here's everybody's social analysis and piece of advice for the next little while:

I've observed just in the last little while that in a couple, it's actually not nice to tell the other person "It's up to you". Relationships should be partnerships, and this phrase creates an inequality:

  • either you're saying "I'm not worthy to make this decision" and putting your partner above you
  • or you're saying "I don't care enough to want to be responsible for our mutual happiness" and forcing them to try and come up with something that will work for both of you
These are not nice things to say to somebody you love!

Even for a simple decision of which movie to watch or which brand of peanut butter to buy, this phrase should not be used unless the sayer truly means "I want you to pick the choice that you want most, and it doesn't matter to me". For most things, this isn't even possible, because it usually does matter.

Thus, the decision should be made by both of you! If it affects both partners, you should each have a say in the outcome. That's what partnership is about.

Welcome to Egalitaria, and please enjoy your stay.